but both Leadworth and London had a sense of space and spread outedness with their time.
Not that either one's a real word, but spread-outness works better than spread outedness.
All of the history was crammed into a tiny area in comparison, both temporarily and spatially.
Think you mean "temporally"?
Pushing herself up off the pavement, Amy stepped in front of one of the many suited, briefcase totting men commuting down the sidewalk.
toting, not totting (totting's something you do to figures - ie add them up, toting's something you do with bags and cases)
A few other passerby's spared them mildly interested glances before continuing on with their business.
passersby
Even for the best of us, the Blimovitch effect can only be pushed so far before causality starts to peel back on itself.
That should be BliNovitch
She tried hold onto her daughter with her eyes,
to after tried
She put the money in her pocket beside the key, closed the briefcase, and stepped up to the edge of the pavement to hail a cab.
You referred to it as a sidewalk earlier - you ought to be consistent in calling it one or the other, and though Amy IS in America, I tihnk pavement would be more in character.
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momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2012-11-06 08:22 am (UTC)I'm afraid I've gone all Beta on your chapter:
but both Leadworth and London had a sense of space and spread outedness with their time.
Not that either one's a real word, but spread-outness works better than spread outedness.
All of the history was crammed into a tiny area in comparison, both temporarily and spatially.
Think you mean "temporally"?
Pushing herself up off the pavement, Amy stepped in front of one of the many suited, briefcase totting men commuting down the sidewalk.
toting, not totting (totting's something you do to figures - ie add them up, toting's something you do with bags and cases)
A few other passerby's spared them mildly interested glances before continuing on with their business.
passersby
Even for the best of us, the Blimovitch effect can only be pushed so far before causality starts to peel back on itself.
That should be BliNovitch
She tried hold onto her daughter with her eyes,
to after tried
She put the money in her pocket beside the key, closed the briefcase, and stepped up to the edge of the pavement to hail a cab.
You referred to it as a sidewalk earlier - you ought to be consistent in calling it one or the other, and though Amy IS in America, I tihnk pavement would be more in character.