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Date:
2013-01-18 08:15 am (UTC)
From:
persiflage-1.livejournal.com
Ah!! That last line took me completely by surprise!
Some beta-ish comments:
Sometimes, Rory would loses himself in that draft and forget where he was, but not often.
Either Rory would lose himself or Rory loses himself - but not a mixture of both!
put it on the hot pot to boil.
plate not pot
Rory rubbed ligament on his aching muscles,
linament not ligament
hearing voicse approaching his hiding spot.
voices
< i>this
not sure why but that italicising hasn't worked... (You hadn't left a space - I did that to show what I was commenting on, or it'd be italicised.)
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momijizukamorimomijizukamori
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Date: 2013-01-18 08:15 am (UTC)Some beta-ish comments:
Sometimes, Rory would loses himself in that draft and forget where he was, but not often.
Either Rory would lose himself or Rory loses himself - but not a mixture of both!
put it on the hot pot to boil.
plate not pot
Rory rubbed ligament on his aching muscles,
linament not ligament
hearing voicse approaching his hiding spot.
voices
< i>this
not sure why but that italicising hasn't worked... (You hadn't left a space - I did that to show what I was commenting on, or it'd be italicised.)